Jessica Whittemore - Reflections of His Royalty

Moved by Disney

2011-04-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the

Father of heavenly lights,

who does not change like shifting shadows

but who

came to seek and save what was lost

James 1:17, Luke 19:10 combined

My sister-in-law recently shared how moved she was by Disney's newest movie, Tangled. When she used the word, "moved," I thought it a bit odd. However, when she explained herself, the verb she chose fit just perfectly.

To begin, Tangled is the retelling of the classic tale, Rapunzel, the story of a young princess abducted at birth and forced to live secluded in a tower, never knowing her true identity. With each passing year, the young girl becomes more and more discontent, wanting to know who she really is and what the outside world is like. Meanwhile, her true parents, the King and Queen, never give up hope that their daughter will one day be found. In the movie, their devotion to finding their daughter is symbolized by thousands of lights they send into the air every year on her birthday. In essence, they fill the skies with light hoping Rapunzel will see the lights and return to them. Their hearts refuse to give up. They continue to beckon for their child.

It's already in your hand

2011-03-24T17:33:00.000-07:00

Faith is the channel by which all grace and blessings are received, and that which is accepted by faith God bestows in fact. Being filled does not always lead to exalted feelings, but God always keeps His word. We have to just look to His promises and rest in them, expecting their literal fulfillment. Some put asking in the place of accepting. Many wish it were so, instead of believing it is so.

We have never to wait for God to give, for He has already given us His all.

James Hudson Taylor

We have a bunch of changes going on in our personal life right now, and I must admit, I have been distracted and anxious. For example, the other day I was on my cell phone talking to a friend, when I realized there was another call I needed to make. While still speaking to my friend, I began searching through my purse, trying to find my phone. As my phone wasn't in my purse, I began nervously searching through my car. Pathetically, this little scene went on for a good 30 seconds. Not until I was about to tell my friend I had to get off the phone because I couldn't find my phone, did I realize my own craziness. ..

MY PHONE WAS ALREADY IN MY HAND!

The thing I was looking for, the thing I was becoming frantic over was in my hand. My busyness and near panic were just hiding it from view. And so I sat there, nervously searching for something I already had.
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Be Still

2011-03-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

Be still and know that I am God - Psalm 46:10

To be still (Hebrew raphah) meaning:

to go limp, to allow to slack, to drop ones hands from work.

In my last post, I mentioned my daughter had her tonsils removed. Although her surgery went very well, she unexpectedly hemorrhaged a few days following the procedure. This required emergency surgery which was very frightening.

As they prepped her for surgery, things moved at a hectic pace. Unlike the first surgery, nurses weren't explaining what would come next. In fact, the OR Nurse began the IV process without saying a word. Unfortunately, since my daughter was already losing a good deal of blood and was dehydrated, the process proved difficult.

Back away from the shears

2011-03-03T17:56:00.000-08:00

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.

I recently shaved my dog. It wasn't a pleasant experience for either of us... for me, because it took over three hours... for him, well, because I don't know what I am doing and I ended up nicking him several times.

When one of my friends saw my dog, she looked at me and slightly chided, "You know, there are professionals for this." Point taken. I have no business shaving my dog, but as I explained to her, his shedding hair really annoys me and when push comes to shove, I just want to be rid of it.
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Of God and stink bugs

2011-03-02T06:48:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 45:9

What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator.

Does a clay pot argue with its maker?

Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying

'Stop, you're doing it wrong!'

Does the pot exclaim,

'How clumsy can you be?'

My youngest daughter despises stink bugs. If one is spotted in the living room, she leaves screaming, refusing to return until you produce proof the thing is dead. This becomes difficult as she actually wants to see the corpse, but will not get close enough for fear she might smell it. Saying she is afraid of them is a bit of a euphemism; petrified fits better.

Although she is little, and they are little, to her, the fear is very, very real. Hence the reason the following was so very, very neat!

How do you smell?

2011-02-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ, among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.

2 Corinthians 2:15

This morning I was able to relax in a bath, spending a nice long time reading through the scriptures. It was a great time of worship and study. Unfortunately, as I ascended from the water, I realized my dog was very inconveniently lying on my towel. Sadly, it was the only towel left in the bathroom. Now, yes, I could have scurried down to the laundry room to get another towel, but frankly, I like my dog way more than I like being wet and cold.--- I used the towel.

Brain Worms

2011-02-15T19:25:00.000-08:00

Last night my son asked if brain worms were real. As he asked, he was squeezing the bridge of his nose. When I answered no, he exhaled and said, "Oh, good, 'cause Teddy and Ty (his cousins) told me you get brain worms from playing the computer too much. My nose was starting to hurt, and I was worried I had one."

I supressed my giggle,but soon started thinking of my own brain worms; the things I believe, or have been told, that just aren't true. They range from little lies about myself, or the way others view me, all the way up to how I view my God. They're insipid little buggers that wiggle there way in and, well, just plain make my nose hurt.
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Verizon and Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T11:04:00.000-08:00

I just got off the phone with Verizon Customer Support. I spoke to "Ed," however based on his accent, I am guessing this was a pseudonym, and Ed was speaking to me from India rather than Indiana.

At one point, Ed and I had to wait 30 seconds for my modem to reboot. Me, being me, decided to fill the silence. I say to Ed, "So how many of these calls must you get in a day." Of course, I wasn't looking for a concrete answer, but Ed, not having a real grasp of English idiom, answered seriously, "I am sorry, mam, I do not count my calls."

How ironic, Ed was able to break into my computer and fix my problem, but he wasn't able to understand the simple meaning behind my words.
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I stole this from my friend

2011-02-07T05:42:00.000-08:00

Ephesians 3:14-19

For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family^[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now, read that passage again.

Yesterday our pastor read these words, and after the message my dear friend simply said, "Why aren't we doing this, Why aren't we praying these words for each other? They are so powerful, why aren't we praying them?"

I didn't have an answer for her, but her words pierced my heart and I knew what my next blog would be. It would simply be this Ephesians passage, and a promise that this week I will commit to praying for those of you who read this. I don't know all of your names or your faces, but each time I sit down at the computer this week, I will pray you see the love of God. I will pray for your roots to grow, that you will be strengthened by the knowledge that Jesus, the Christ, the Holy God loves you.
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A God who grows

2011-02-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, due to a series of odd events, I found a cassette tape of a sermon I first heard when I was 20 years old. In short, it's a message encouraging listeners to trust their Savior, to watch their God grow. It's a good one, and as I re-listened to it, I recalled what the 20 year old Jessica was trying to trust God with at the time she first heard the message. Ironically, I also realized that thing, that wound, was really just a scrape in comparison to what the next few decades would hold.

I ended up listening to the whole sermon and found myself marveling at how, even though the thing I faced back in 1994 seems so insignificant now, the words of the sermon are still true. Life has gotten bigger, trials grew, but God has risen to every occasion. He has grown (Isaiah 41:10). Again and again, God proves to be the opposite of almost everything; while most things get smaller the older we get, He grows.

Humility with a side of Amoxicillin

2011-01-28T11:50:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I had to pick up a prescription, and as the day was freezing, I decided to use the drive through pharmacy. It's just like Burger King, except you have to sign your name on a little paper pad before you get your order. Unfortunately, when the lady passed the pad through the little drawer that sticks out, it fell to the ground. Drugstore lady didn't see this happen, plus drugstore lady was inside behind a window and I, already being outside, tried to retrieve said pad thingy. Unfortunately, the little drawer thing was still extended, making it impossible for me to open my car door. Drugstore lady finally looked up so I told her the pad thing had dropped, and was about to ask her to retract the drawer thing, when she condescendingly interrupted with, "Well, sweetheart, you are just going to have to get out of your car and get it, now aren't you." And with that she retracted the draw thingy and turned to help an inside customer.

My son and the King

2011-01-26T10:31:00.000-08:00

Last night my son ended his prayer very sincerely with, "and thank you, God, for my sisters. I mean 'er,' sister. Thanks for just the one, God, not really both.

The mom in me felt the need to tell him to like his sister more, the child of God in me was intrigued by his ability to tell God exactly what was on his heart. He doesn't really enjoy his little sister, so he tells his God about it. How absurd, yet how perfect..

A God who goes out

2011-01-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

And who is like you, O Israel, the one nation whose God WENT OUT to redeem a people for Himself, and to make a name for yourself, and to perform great and awesome wonders by driving out nations from before your people, redeemed from Egypt.

I Chronicles 17:21

How unfathomable. The Creator God went out to redeem a people for Himself. He did the work. He went out. He rose to show us compassion (Isaiah 30:18). He went out from perfection, He went out from His throne, He went out.

This seems unreal to me. Seriously, I love my kids but I will hardly even go out in the snow for them. I can't stand being cold, I can't stand the process of getting ready, but when I do give in, my kids give me a heroes welcome. They are glad to see me. How different it was for our God. There was no welcome, there were no cheers, yet He went out for us. He went out. Yes, I love my kids but about 8 times out of 10 I draw the line when it comes to the snow.

Friends in shining armor

2011-01-06T11:12:00.000-08:00

I have this hang up that rears its ugly head from time to time. I kind of picture it as one of those dragons from medieval times, but smaller with mangy hair like a mutt. It's plain ugly and I am never glad to see it. Unfortunately, it seems to show up during times of stress, poor eating habits, and large gatherings. Enter the holidays.

Yesterday I was with a good friend, and although my mangy mutt thing seems to have settled down, it's still breathing. As she and I talked I shared my hang up. When I was finished, my friend simply said, "Jessica, that's vanity. Why are you letting yourself do that?"
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Just Dumb?

2010-12-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

Here is a question. Why did God choose sheep as the favorite animal analogy?

We've heard the , "Sheep are dumb, defenseless, and will wander right off a cliff" explanation but perhaps there is more.

For most of its history, Israel has been a group of herding nomads. Therefore, sheep have an important role in their society and their economy. Because of this, they knew their sheep. Sheep stuff made complete sense to them. Not so much for us. Most of our interactions with sheep come in the form of sweaters and an occasional petting zoo. For this reason, I decided to learn a few things about sheep, and let me tell you, the stuff I dug up is Fa-a-a-a-a-bbbbbbbbbbbulous. (Okay, I'll stop that.)

Pillows, Sheep, and Tuesday Night

2010-12-04T08:24:00.000-08:00

Every Tuesday night at our house is Men's Night-the night where my husband and a few of his friends get together for Bible Study and friendship.

When he came up with the idea I told myself not to get involved, not to offer suggestions. To my credit, I stayed out of it UNTIL he planned on meeting at the church. Please, everyone knows you can't share your heart while sitting on metal framed straight backed goldfish yellow chairs. Not to mention you need appetizers, drinks... at least chips, for goodness sake.

Like I said, every Tuesday night is Men's Night at our house.

Apart from the fact that I now feel compelled to clean on Tuesday, and that I need to come up with some sort of appetizer, the biggest thing I didn't consider is, 'What am I supposed to do with myself during this time?' Our house is not very big and our TV room is very near to our living room where they meet. That won't work. I could sit in our office but the bathroom is right off the office and that just feels weird when one of the guys come in to use it.

'Poison Ivy...Not all it's cracked up to be"

2009-10-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine told me the best story. I wish I could video tape her and just stick her on here telling it. It would be way better. She tells stories with her hands and her eyes and every once in a while she shares something that seems so absurd I laugh out loud.

When my friend,Kate (we're going to call her that), was a preteen she and her childhood friend decided they had had enough school for their liking. It was the end of the year, they were bored, they wanted an escape from school. Now most normal, not so creative, kids would have faked the flu. Not Kate, Kate takes a more drastic approach. Her plan.....Her approach.....POSION IVY.
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Time to write

2009-09-19T17:48:00.000-07:00

It has been a very long time since I have written. A very long time. I have been waiting to write. I have been waiting to have something to write. I have been putting other topics to the side until I could conquer the one topic I needed to write about.

It's time to write.

You may remember the special blog I wrote imploring you to pray for my dear friend, Lynne, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So many of you responded and so many of you prayed and I never wrote another thing.

In Early December of 2008, Lynne's conditioned worsened. The chemotherapy was not working.
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Really

2008-02-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

About an hour ago I felt very inspired to write about who God is.

You see, this morning I had the privilege of attending an event where one of my dearest friends was the speaker. She carried a message that was simple yet extremely profound - God is real, the only reality. Her message was powerful to me for two reasons. 1) I know her and I have seen God in her life. I have seen his truth in her and 2) I love her deeply and was again amazed by the people God had filled my life with. As she spoke of God's reality I found myself creating a list of all the good things in my life and then one by one acknowledging they are only from Him. He is the only truth, the only goodness, the only thing real. It was an exercise all about Him and it was wonderful. Plus, I love moments like that where you feel your faith, really experience it, where it wells up in your throat and you feel as though you truly could say to a mountain, "move," and it would move because your God is so big, so huge, and so yours.
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Five Minutes

2007-11-13T13:09:00.000-08:00

My children know how to do life way better than I do. They attack it with a vengeance. They cry when they are sad. They laugh when they get something stuck in their teeth. They ask for what they want without pretense or apology. I like my children so very much.

Recently my 4-year-old son imparted wisdom to me.

It was almost bed time when his sister was found guilty of something or other and sentenced early to bed. When my son realized he was still free while his older sister was not it was as if the heaven's opened up and shown upon him. He was overcome with awe.

Being adults my husband and I reminded him that it was only five minutes and he was soon to follow his sister. He didn't care. He had five minutes.
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If you have ever prayed

2007-09-25T15:44:00.000-07:00

This post promises to be unusual. A plea more than a post, unpolished.

A dear friend of mine has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It is advanced. I feel odd even writing that. Like it is pretend, that I am making it up. It was only a few months ago that I typed the same words to you about my dear step mom.

God is mysterious.

My friend is more than a friend. Her name is Lynne Ott. She is our Pastor's wife. She is the mother of four boys, now men, but still boys when it comes to their mom. She is a grandma. She is one of the most naturally gifted people I know. She is creative, witty, and beautiful. She could have done anything she wanted to do with her life, would have been a success in any field but she chose to give her life to a rag tag group of grumpy believers in rural Pennsylvania as her flock, as her own.
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My newest challenge

2007-08-10T09:27:00.000-07:00

I have the habit of making up little games for myself, challenges of sorts. They usually last for about a month either then becoming habit or passing fad.

They come in all shapes and sizes. One was the , "immediately do anything that takes less than one minute" challenge. For example, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, I however, really want to sit down. I know it will take less than a minute (yes, I have timed it, that's part of the psychosis) so I do it. Another time I actually decided to use commercial breaks to do something productive. During commercial breaks I would vacuum a room, fold a load of clothes, clean up toys... This only lasted for about one episode of "the Office." Commercials are for getting snacks. Everyone knows that.

My newest challenge began on July 8th. It was about 8:45pm and I had gone to bed early. At about 9:00pm I heard an explosion and instantly remembered our town's fireworks had been postponed until that night. I love fireworks and since we can see them perfectly from our front yard, I went out in my pajamas, hair in a ponytail, glasses on. Our neighbors joined us so what did I do? Enjoy the fireworks with child-like abandon? Oh, No. I chose to let everyone know I was aware of the fact that I was in pajamas by saying loudly, "Yes, we forgot the fire works were tonight. I had already gone to bed early, I was really tired."

When we went inside I was struck with the absurdity of myself, how what I was really saying to my neighbors was, "Please don't think I am lazy because I was obviously in bed at 8:45. It isn't normal for me. Also, I know I look a mess, I am aware of it, I only look this way because I was asleep." Now this is absurd on two counts 1) I am in pajamas, it is obvious that I was either in bed or ready for bed and 2) NO ONE REALLY CARES!

At that moment my newest challenge was born, the "Don't say anything that you are only saying in order to explain yourself away" challenge.

Some more examples. My neighbor stops by and sees play dough all over the table. I say, "Excuse the mess, my kids were playing with play dough." What I am really saying is, "Please don't think I am a slob, I am aware of the mess, it is only there because...." Or Someone asks you to attend a house demonstration party (A Pampered, Princess House, Tupperware party). You do not want to attend. However, when asked you feel the need to give or even worse, make up an excuse for your refusal rather than simply saying, "No, thank you."

In short I, we, have decided that kind and confident honesty should be replaced with fake niceties. That winning the approval of others, that perfectly sculpting our image is a valid pursuit. It is not.

The Bible speaks about this pursuit in Galatians when it says, "Am I trying to win the approval of men or the approval of God, am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to win the approval of men I would not be a servant of God." In high school I read this and longed for the time when I would be free from peer pressure, free from trying to be liked. I now know peer pressure never ends. It just changes.

Today my peers are mostly believers and the pressure comes in forms like keep smiling, keep serving, keep it together and for heaven's sake don't do such and such. The pressure is there and I still fall prey to it making me realize even more that Paul was right, this type of behavior does keep me from being a servant of my God. It gets in the way of me being the me He created. The me He wants to shine through. If I am so busy explaining myself away there isn't much time left for sharing Him, for looking to Him, for enjoying Him. Oh, you better believe I am still His child, I am still His beloved, but as for being a servant it can and has rendered me useless.

Perhaps that is why this challenge is not nearly as easy or as trivial as unloading the dishwasher. We tend to think there are only two choices, to be a people pleaser or to be obnoxious. Christ calls us to be neither yet living in freedom doesn't come naturally. It will not be done in my own strength. It's not my challenge. It will only be accomplished by the God who says to me, "Since, Jessica, you have been raised with Christ, set your heart on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things, For you died, and your life in now hidden with Christ in God. And, Jessica, when Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory!"

When I live in these words, when my mind is set on living a life worthy of this calling all else really does grows strangly dim.

What freedom can be ours. I want to live in it!

My Questions and His Comfort

2007-07-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

I have had a bad month.

My due date for the baby we lost in November came and went and I chose not to mourn it. I remembered it, but it fell on the same day as my stepmom's surgery. As I sat in the waiting room with my dad I vividly remember telling myself there were more pressing things than my due date. Those emotions would have to wait. Also, sometimes when we are in the midst of a struggle we refuse to feel it. We cope by pushing emotion to the side, unknowingly saving them for another day.

Now is that another day.

For the last few weeks I have been sad. Very sad, that feeling where you are functioning and going through the day but right in the background there is a dull ache. That's what it has been like. Perhaps you understand this.
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His Hand and my sunburn

2007-06-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I spent the day at the beach with a friend from my childhood, a dear friend but one I do not see very often. It was just the two of us and we had a marvelous time doing absolutely nothing. We spent the day on the beach relaxing in the sun. Pure delight! I actually relaxed with my head down, eyes closed, not even facing the water! Those of you who are moms know what a rare thing this is, to have no worries of where your sand covered munchkins are or what they are doing, not scanning the water thinking, "Could there be sharks?" (I have a shark phobia. I'm neurotic).

My friend and I laughed a lot this weekend as we shared memories. She was the friend that I did things with that if my daughter ever does I will really want to send her away to some cloister. They weren't regrettable things or shameful things just mischievous, life endangering things. For those of you who have been in my Jewels of His Crown seminar I will sum it up by saying we are both bright sapphires! Sparks were always flying.

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"The God of the Old Testament"

2007-06-14T09:11:00.000-07:00

"The God of the Old Testament”

I shudder when I hear this phrase. I shudder because it is usually accompanied by, "Well, let's not forget the God of the Old Testament, He was a God of wrath, He laid waste to nations. He is a God not to be messed with." I

I shudder because I know I have used the phrase in this very same way. The way which says, "Let's not get too carried away with this Grace thing, let's remember our boundaries, we are just worms after all."

I have a friend whose father loves to use this term. She has grown up hearing it. When she has fallen short of his expectations he has used many verses in a very damning way. One day when a group of us were discussing the love offered to us on the cross she quietly asked, "Well, what about the God of the Old Testament?" I knew instantly what she was asking. She wanted to know how the grace that is ours in Christ Jesus can be melded together with the stories of the Old Testament. Is the grace of Jesus Christ, the redemption and freedom of the cross something new that God came up with in between Malachi and Mathew? Was Jesus simply God changing His tactics and moving to Plan B?
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Of dog dishes and Jeshurun

2007-06-04T10:23:00.000-07:00

My littlest one has been driving me nutty over the past few weeks. She is almost 17-months old and she is a pistol. This morning I learned she can maneuver down the stairs. I discovered this upon finding her in our basement, dancing in the dogs water dish and having a marvelous time. Mind you, I had seen her in the kitchen only moments earlier and thought she was still there until finding her at the crime scene.

She is a corker. Add to this the fact that she has the biggest blue eyes and a smile that just makes you laugh and you have real cause for concern. She is hard to discipline while keeping a straight face.
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I had forgotten

2007-05-29T10:54:00.001-07:00

I have witnessed a miracle.

My step mom went in for surgery this week to remove as much of the tumor as possible and for a radical hysterectomy. The surgery was supposed to be about seven hours long as the doctor felt he would also need to remove as many of the affected organs as possible, perhaps the colon, parts of the liver, lungs, lymph nodes...recovery would include a breathing tube and days in the intensive care unit. The surgery itself was, at best, a risk.

After only three hours in surgery the doctor came out to give us what we thought was an update. Instead, he informed us he was finished and that it was the oddest surgery of his career. My step mom, he explained, does not have normal ovarian cancer. Instead, she has an extremely rare form of cancer, usually only found in young women, which is basically non-invasive, a cancer without the will to fight, sort of like a declawed, toothless lion. Although it had grown on other organs and was very large, it had not invaded into them and was therefore easy to remove and even better, easier to cure.
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Not so much about me

2007-05-17T06:36:00.000-07:00

I've been struck lately by how much we make life about us. I do it all the time.

My sister paid a surprise visit yesterday. She lives about 3 hours away and came to town to see our parents.

My sister is immaculate. I have never seen a speck of dust in her house. Never. Well, she rings the door bell, gives me a big hug, and asks to use my bathroom and all I can think is "Oh, no. Did the kids wipe their toothpaste out of the sink?"

Now here is my poor sister, who has driven over 3 hours with her children, who is coming home to visit our parents not knowing if she will see our step mom again and I, in my self-centeredness, actually think she is going to give a flying fig if my bathroom isn't pristine. Goodness, don't you think she has bigger things on her mind than my bathroom sink. How very self-centered of me.

We are so much about us.

We try to cover it up by saying things like, "I want to be an example to other's," or "I don't want to cause others to stumble," but usually, in reality, we're just worried about US. We're worried about what others will think of US if we are not at all the proper church functions, what others will think of US if we don't say "yes" every time we are asked to serve. We are worried about US when our kids misbehave or heaven forbid forget to say "thank you" to the waitress. We're just plain worried about US. How very US centered.

I think this is why Grace, real, messy Grace freaks us out so much. It's not about US. It is not about what we do, it is about who HE is. It takes the US out of the equation. It tells us it is by His will, His choice that we were born into Christ (Jam 1:18), it tells us it is He who makes us Holy, not US or our wills (Heb 2:11). It tells us that He gets all the credit. He has reconciled us to Him, He died to present us as holy and blameless (Col 2:22).

We like thinking we have somehow merited His favor. We like to measure our service, base our service on the rules of men (Isa 29:13). After all, it feels good to measure up. We make it about us. It is hard to realize our striving, our adherence to the law means nothing in the face of the One who is the end of the law (Rom 10:4). We would rather hold onto the cult we have created which tells us it is our pretty church dresses and our prohibition life styles that make us good.

Sadly, this "US" centered faith is robbing us of the joy of really knowing God, the God who says, "I will never reject my own" (Jer 31:37). The God who says there is "not one who is made righteous by observing the law" but then, in such grace, went on to make us righteous through the redemption offered in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:20-3:24).

I want to end by sharing with you that my sister loves me, really loves me. Yesterday she came to see me. She wanted to see her little sister. In the midst of a marathon day, she stopped to see me, not my clean house. I should have squealed with delight upon opening my front door and seeing her face. Instead, I robbed myself of joy, I traded it in for a few minutes that were all about me.

I don't want to make that trade anymore, especially when it involves the crazy Grace of my King. Any trading in reference to that is a very bad deal. Instead, I want to live in the radical joy of my salvation, a salvation that is not the least bit about me!

For Just a Little While

2007-05-10T10:48:00.000-07:00

As those of you have been reading these know, my step mom is facing a fight with cancer. I should rephrase that and say, cancer is facing a fight with my step mom. The woman is phenomenal. Her God is huge.

At her last appointment they drew blood. As the nurse prepared the needle she asked the normal question, "Do you have a hard time with needles?" My step mom smiled and simply said, "No, I don't. I have told myself ever since I was a little girl that the needle would only hurt for a little while and I can surely make it through a little while."

My step mom has been an anchor for my family. She is precious to us and we are scared. But, as I watched them draw the blood those words resonated in my heart, "It will only hurt for a little while, I can surely make it through a little while." I realized anew that no matter what happens in this situation, it will only hurt for a little while.
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The Warrior is Definately a Child

2007-05-03T13:04:00.000-07:00

This is the second draft of this post. In the first draft I wasn't very honest. In fact, I was doing exactly what the post was talking against. I was hiding my tears, not letting anyone see inside of me.

This week my step mom, a woman who has been a mom to me for many years, was diagnosed with cancer, advanced cancer. It will require nothing short of a miracle for her to be spared.

Instead of sharing this in my first post, I decided to just share a vague lesson. In reality, I just didn't want to have two sad posts in a row. I didn't want to sound needy or to sound too despairing. In Christendom this seems to be a big no-no. I didn't want to again write and say my heart is breaking but it is. It feels smashed to pieces.

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My heart is broken

2007-04-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

This week has been a week of tragedy. The brutality at Virginia Tech is something I can't get my brain around let alone write about. This week I found myself with my head down on my desk pleading with God on behalf of so many parents. Parents who lost their children.

My babies keep me from the arrogance of thinking I am a spiritual giant. I am not. I fear for them. They so easily become my idol - the things that make me say, "Oh, God, not them. Please don't use my kids. Don't make me one of those parents who share the miraculous things you have done after the death of a child they once held."

I am a frightened child.

A dear friend called me yesterday. She called to tell me her 13 year old brother had died. My sweet, precious friend has lost her baby brother, and her mother, a true Believer and enjoyer of our Jesus, has lost her son. She has gone from a mother of a healthy thriving boy to a mother in mourning within a matter of hours.

There is heartache in this world that can overwhelm.

Last night as I drove home in the dark I began pleading for Christ's return, pleading for the rapture. For Him to come, for Him to come and meet His saints in the air. For him to call the name of that poor mother, for her to hear the trumpet sound, for her to experience pure joy. For her to experience the ultimate healing her baby boy now knows. For her to be home free.

Now I am sitting here left with the words of my friend. With tears, she simply, but not simply at all, said, "God's plans have not changed. God's plans have not changed."

I have never heard such worshipful words. In the midst of pain, in the midst of anger, in the midst of a grief few of us will ever know, she utters, "God's plans have not changed."

Yet I, in my humanness, am paralyzed with the knowledge that a school building can be breeched without effort by a killer; or that a little boy can have only a slight fever one day and be dead the next.

In my humanness, I am afraid - in worship, I am transformed. This week, this very night, I will choose worship.

I will worship a God who rises to show me compassion (Isaiah 30:18)

I will worship a God, the only God,who went out to redeem a people for himself (2 Sam 7:23).

I will worship a God that consults no one (Isa 40:14), yet says to His rebellious people, "Come, let us reason together (Is 1:18).

I will worship a God who never sleeps nor slumbers (Psalm 121:4) but grants sleep to those He loves (Psalm 127:2).

I will worship a God who repays wrath to His enemies (Isaiah 59:18) yet sent His son to death , so HIS enemy I would no longer be (Romans 5:10).

I will worship a God who says to me, "though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor will my covenant of peace be removed." (Isa 54:10).

I will worship this God.

I am a frightened child, but I am a child of The Almighty God and I will live in Him. I will live in Him because there is life no where else.

Confessions of an inept control freak.

2007-04-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

I am a control freak.

I've noticed when people say this they tend to almost be giving themselves a little pat on the back. They say it in the, "Oh, yes, I am a control freak" self deprecating voice but there seems to be a hint of pride. Sort of like, "Of course, I am a control freak. Look at me, look at how well I do things, look at how clean my house is, look at my "I see skies of blue" kind of life. Of course, I am in control. I know this is often the intent behind those words because, pathetically, I have often been the one saying them.

This week I came face to face with my control freakishness and realized although I may be a control freak, I am an inept one at best!
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My grocery store theology

2007-04-17T05:45:00.001-07:00

There are some places where you can really hide who you are. Church for instance. We all put on a really nice face, smile and say hello. No matter how late you are running, how long it took your kids to eat their breakfast, how many times you had to search for your little boys Bible, or pick up his offering he had dropped for the seventh time, when you walk through those glass doors it's as if you've had an extreme make-over. Our lives are bliss!

Not so much with the grocery store...In the grocery store, no one pretends. If you are not someone who likes to chit chat, at church you still stop and give the obligatory few words, but in the grocery store you duck down the cleaning aisle to avoid contact. At church you wait patiently for your slightly long winded Pastor to wrap things up, at the grocery store you dart from line to line figuring out which one will be the fastest.
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Easter meant more this year!

2007-04-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago a few friends and I were talking about Peter. We were laughing about how he always seemed to be disrobing and jumping into water and how he tried to deny he knew Christ, even to the man who just watched him cut the ear off of his relative. The guy
seemed to have more nervouse energy than he knew what to do with, a sermon illustration just waiting to happen. I wonder if he takes a good ribbing from all the other saints everytime his name is mentioned from the pulpit.

After the conversation I started reading Peter's first letter to the scattered church. My first thought was, 'How can this be the same guy?' He is telling them to rid themselves of envy(2:1). Now this is the guy who, when Christ tells him he will face a martyr's death, his first words are, "Oh, yeah, well what about John?" He tells them to submit themselves to every authority(2:13), to be like Christ who did not retaliate in suffering but trusted himself to God(2:23). This just doesn't fit the Peter paradigm, for instance see the above mentioned ear incident!
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