Really

About an hour ago I felt very inspired to write about who God is.

You see, this morning I had the privilege of attending an event where one of my dearest friends was the speaker. She carried a message that was simple yet extremely profound - God is real, the only reality. Her message was powerful to me for two reasons. 1) I know her and I have seen God in her life. I have seen his truth in her and 2) I love her deeply and was again amazed by the people God had filled my life with. As she spoke of God's reality I found myself creating a list of all the good things in my life and then one by one acknowledging they are only from Him. He is the only truth, the only goodness, the only thing real. It was an exercise all about Him and it was wonderful. Plus, I love moments like that where you feel your faith, really experience it, where it wells up in your throat and you feel as though you truly could say to a mountain, "move," and it would move because your God is so big, so huge, and so yours.


My friend finished speaking and I floated out of the auditorium, ready to share my joy with whomever would listen, determined that today would be the day that other's knew God was real because they could see Him in me.

I returned home, and was greeted by my youngest. Still glowing, I knelt down to wrap her in a warm embrace, whispering into her hair how much I loved her and how thankful I was for her. It was quite the tear jerker moment. Then I began to make lunch, gliding across the kitchen, humming, thinking about how perfect my life is. Of course, I soon realized such profound fullness must be captured in words so I decided, as soon as lunch was over I would write an inspiring blog to all of you. To encourage you by my joyful example that your God is huge and only Good. I was sure it was going to be one of my very best!

Hmmm, not so much.

Instead, I call my bundles of blessing to the table and none of them come. 'That's okay,' I thought, 'I'll just sweetly remind them to come, telling them that I made them lunch because I love them so much. After all, they are my precious gifts from such a real God.' I call them again, they don't come. After I say it the third time, in a not so inspired voice my little gifts from God make it to the table. We pray for our meal and I have hardly said, Amen, before my man child gift immediately begins to complain about his meal. I breathe in deeply, telling him to just eat. Next, my most challenging gift, my 2- year- old, spills her apple juice all over the floor while my eldest precious gift begins to explain to me how I should have cooked the perogies.

Needless to say, this was not working out as I had planned. I hurry them all through lunch, exhale deeply and through gritted teeth tell them to go to their perspective rooms while I carry my youngest, wiggling, crying, precious gift to her crib. After a not so special depositing into her crib I regroup, go downstairs and give my other precious gifts a quick kiss and ask them to play nicely together. "Mommy has some wonderful inspiring writing to do!" I walk to my computer but don't make it to the seat before I hear my youngest laughing and throwing things out of her crib. I go back into her room to find that I had inadvertently closed the cat (yes, the cat my children, I mean my "gifts" convinced me to get after they sincerely promised they would be the ones to feed it, give it water, and change its litter box...hmmm) inside the room.

After I settle the child, my youngest gift..whatever...I finally make it to my computer. I sit down and close my eyes, trying to regain that wonderful floating feeling. I take a deep breath, keep my eyes closed and work really hard to conjure up the experience, the joy, for goodness sake, the welling that was so real just an hour ago. After a few moments I settle for calm and open my eyes to begin typing when what do I see but huge pen marks all over my NEW flat screen monitor!

Oh my goodness, there was emotion alright but it wasn't the joyful blissful stuff I was going for. It was more like the kind where you just want to strangle someone, or bang your head against a wall, or throw something, or all three.

'Great,' I yelled in my own head very loudly, 'It's been forever since I've written a blog, I finally get inspired and all this happens! What in blazes am I going to write about now!

I sat for a few moments and pounded some pathetic niceties out on the key board and then it hit me. I am going to write about the exact thing I planned to write about. I'm going to write that God is real. My elation has passed, I'm no longer gliding, but God is still real and I'm going to write it even though I no longer feel the joy in it. Yes, there won't be the catharsis and tears like I had pictured. I'm not going to write it and feel all the welling, I'm just going to write it. I'm going to write it because in my mind I know it is true, and in my mind is where most battles are won or lost. I'm going to write it because God is still real. I don't need to feel it, I don't need to experience it. Plain and simple, with no regard to circumstance, God is real.

God is real.

The last few minutes have been ugly, but each individual snow flake that is lying outside my window is intricately and uniquely made. God is real.

My littlest rug rat has defaced my computer screen, but I still have the gift of language and communication. God is real.

My oldest two children are downstairs arguing instead of playing, but they are healthy and whole. God is real.

My husband has been working more hours recently than ever before, but He still comes home at night, he loves me. God is real.

Many that I know are in the midst of pain. Marriages being lost, fighting disease, but the sun still sits perfectly in the skies - near enough to the earth to warm it, far enough not to disintegrate it. God is so real.

There are people in this world who have faced unspeakable hurt, there are people on this earth who have caused unspeakable hurt. Salvation is openly offered to both. God is so very real.

I am exceedingly flawed with some real issues, yet I have intimate friendships that have spanned years and stages of life. God is so very, very real.

I am imperfect beyond measure yet my Jesus stands in heaven continually eulogizing me to the Father. Oh, Praise His Holy name, God is real.

God is real.

And wouldn't you know it, here comes the welling!