I had forgotten

I have witnessed a miracle.

My step mom went in for surgery this week to remove as much of the tumor as possible and for a radical hysterectomy. The surgery was supposed to be about seven hours long as the doctor felt he would also need to remove as many of the affected organs as possible, perhaps the colon, parts of the liver, lungs, lymph nodes...recovery would include a breathing tube and days in the intensive care unit. The surgery itself was, at best, a risk.

After only three hours in surgery the doctor came out to give us what we thought was an update. Instead, he informed us he was finished and that it was the oddest surgery of his career. My step mom, he explained, does not have normal ovarian cancer. Instead, she has an extremely rare form of cancer, usually only found in young women, which is basically non-invasive, a cancer without the will to fight, sort of like a declawed, toothless lion. Although it had grown on other organs and was very large, it had not invaded into them and was therefore easy to remove and even better, easier to cure.


Although we didn't understand all the science, we clearly understood him telling us he believes she will be fine. Actually fine. When originally diagnosed, we were told she had less than 3 months to live.

After only days in the hospital she is now home with us. What a God we serve.

I think as the days and months go on I will forget many of the details of the past month and the day of surgery. However, I will never forget the words of the doctor as he, with a look of bewilderment said, "Whatever God that woman is praying to, is the right God." I will also treasure forever the quiet response of my dad, "Oh, yes, the right God. The only God."

When I got home that night the words of the doctor, "the right God" rang in my ears. They were familiar to me. I turned in my Bible to the book of Daniel and enjoyed reading the similar words of Nebuchadnezzar after Daniel interpreted his dream even before he shared the dream with him. When hearing Daniel's words, this great king fell prostrate to the ground and said, "Surely, your God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings. (Dan 2:46) Like my step mom's skilled surgeon, he saw the working of God and had to proclaim it.

I read on and came to the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, only one chapter over from the previous story, and realized how quickly Nebuchadnezzar had forgotten his own words. There he was again building an idol and making all of the land bow to it. Again refusing to proclaim God as God. He had seen his miracle and he had forgotten.

We know the story of the fiery furnace (if you don't please take some time to read it, it is one of my favorites. I even named one of my dogs Shadrach.) We know the three men of God are saved and Nebuchadnezzar again proclaims, "Praise be to this God" (Dan 3:28).
What a silly man. How much will he have to see before he really believes?

I didn't get much further in my reading before I realized I had also forgotten. Over the past month I had forgotten. What a silly girl I am.

You see, it is easy to write about who we are in Jesus, it is easy to stand in front of a group and proclaim our royalty because of the blood of Christ. However, it is harder to live it when you feel under attack, when you are scared. When we are scared, when we are stressed, doesn't our junk just float right to the top!

The reason I am so passionate about women understanding the phenomenal grace of our Lord is because it is my greatest area of struggle. I have felt the prison of living a life based on my own merit and I want others to be free from it. I have lived so much of my life searching for the approval of those I respect and it hasn't worked out. I have wasted precious time trying to win the approval of men, good men and women but still just mere humans, instead of concentrating on being a servant of my loving God (Gal 1:10).

In the past month, as it seemed my earthly foundation was crumbling, I have felt my old ways creeping through the cracks. No, no great sin over took me. Instead it was that insidious feeling that I was just not okay, that I was messing everything up, and letting everyone down. I would appreciate the encouraging calls from friends or family, but then would hang up the phone feeling shame that I did not say enough to them, did not thank them enough for calling. I would speak in front of a group of women then leave and believe without a doubt they all thought I was a fraud. In short, I had forgotten I do not need a secure earthly family in order to be secure. I am loved because He is good, not because I am good.

I guess what I am trying to say is we shouldn't be too hard on Nebuchadnezzar. It is so easy to forget. When we are sad, scared, and threatened it is easy to revert back to our old ways, the unhealthy things we do to cope, our old idols.

I find myself again flipping through the pages of scripture. This time not for the words of an earthly king, but for the words of the Almighty King. Listen to what he has to say about forgetting.

He says in Isaiah 44:21 Remember these things, O Jacob, for you are my servant, O Israel. I have made you, you are my servant; O Israel, I will not FORGET you. Yes, an earthly parent may forget their child, but I will never FORGET you (Isa 49). You are mine. You are mine.

So you know what I am going to do, I am going to forget again. But this time I am going to forget what is behind me, what is around me, and I am going to live for what is ahead of me - the prize for which God has called me heavenward in my Christ Jesus (Phil 3:13).

I have seen my God act and I want to live in the joy of it. I'd love for you to join me!