I have had a bad month.
My due date for the baby we lost in November came and went and I chose not to mourn it. I remembered it, but it fell on the same day as my stepmom's surgery. As I sat in the waiting room with my dad I vividly remember telling myself there were more pressing things than my due date. Those emotions would have to wait. Also, sometimes when we are in the midst of a struggle we refuse to feel it. We cope by pushing emotion to the side, unknowingly saving them for another day.
Now is that another day.
For the last few weeks I have been sad. Very sad, that feeling where you are functioning and going through the day but right in the background there is a dull ache. That's what it has been like. Perhaps you understand this.
